Mother, Will You Be Okay?

Mother, Will You Be Okay?

July 3, 2017

Ted D. Nelson

Yesterday my mother checked into Las Villas De Carlsbad (assisted living). She has a very nice one-bedroom apartment with a captivating view (this morning I saw two sailboats sailing on the ocean in opposite directions along the coast from her living room). Last night, my son Doug and his family (Katherine, Nicole & Tyler) joined mother and me for a very nice first dinner in the on-site restaurant (both the service and food truly were impressive).

I had agreed to drive to San Diego first thing after church to help mother make the move. I told her that I should be there by 3pm (I had to eat some lunch before I took on the freeway challenge). Well, the freeways were just about as bad as they could be without some kind of major accident. By the time I arrived it was 3:30pm. Mother had called me a couple times while I was on my way down to Carlsbad making sure I was on the road (she never was one to be overly patient). When I finally arrived, I made my way through the lobby and proceeded directly to her room, there she was, setting in a chair outside the door; all ready to go, with all her stuff packed and stacked next to her (including about six boxes of Kleenex tissues she had hoarded).

As I escorted mother from the Skilled Nursing Facility to her new apartment yesterday, as anxious as she was to leave her "prison" (her words), I think I may have been more excited to see her new apartment even than she was. The last time I saw apartment A-301 a couple weeks earlier, it was completely empty and therefore came across as being quite stark. But I knew that Doug & Nicole and Andrea (and her extremely talented friend Mary) along with some of mom's church friends (Nannette, her daughter Kelly, husband Danny and mom's home teacher, Larry) had spent countless hours lugging furniture and otherwise putting great effort and much thought into preparing a new home for their cherished grandmother, friend and fellow ward member. I was ready for the much anticipated "Reveal"!

When first I entered her newly furnished and thoughtfully decorated apartment I was so positively affected by what I saw that I forgot to look to see how mother was reacting. But when I finally focused on mother, I could see that it was a Giant Hit! She loved it. Many of her favorite family pictures were expertly hung on the walls and displayed on appropriate furniture shelves. There was just the right amount of furniture. The look on her face was priceless as she admired the picture of her former home in Koosharem, Utah hanging directly across from her favorite easy-chair; a picture that not only holds many precious memories for her, but also will stir memories for everyone of her grandkids when they come to visit with her. Thanks Andrea and Doug & Nicole (and thanks Mary, I look forward to meeting you to thank you in person for helping my mother). And thanks Nannette, Kelly, Danny and Larry.

Mother and I had a relatively uneventful first night in her new digs (me in the living room on a camping cot supplied by Doug and her in her bedroom in her own queen bed with her favorite pillow). The only noteworthy event of that first night occurred very early in the wee hours of the morning when I heard our front door open and close. Before I could come to my senses and get off the cot to see what was going on, the door reopened and into the room came mother, still in her pajamas. She explained to me that she was simply looking for the bathroom when she mistakingly opened the wrong door and found herself in the hallway (we agreed to leave the bathroom door open with a night light on from now on).

This morning, mother and I had breakfast together in the restaurant (we each had scrambled eggs, bacon and a pancake with OJ); superb. She then left with her friend, Denise, to go get her hair done at Fantastic Sams (I understand her stylist is out sick, breaking-in a new stylist will be a challenge). As I sat in her new living room waiting for their return, I felt to record this story to try to capture some of my feelings at this challenging time. Through all of what has been happening with the relocation of my mother and etc., I've been thinking about an event that occurred in the parking lot that I quietly witnessed last night from mother's balcony; a very brief event which I believe tells a profound story that eventually touches us all.

A car pulled into the parking lot below mother's balcony. It stopped without parking in a stall; it stopped in the middle of the parking lot. Instantly, a Baby-Boomer-aged lady jumped out of the driver's side of the car, leaving the engine running and scampered around the back of the car to the passenger-side; obviously in a hurry. She then helped her passenger, an older lady, finish opening the passenger-side door. The older lady slowly climbed out of the car and started moving deliberately towards the sidewalk. The younger lady stood a few feet from the car and watched the progress. As the older lady proceeded down the sidewalk that led to the building where her room must have been located. The Baby-Boomer called out...

"Mother, Will You Be Okay?"

As she called out to her ambling mother, she almost seemed to be on her toes, as if she were about to run after her. But instead, she very quickly returned to her car and closed the door after her. I expected to see her speed out of the parking lot and down the road. But instead, she wheeled into the nearest available parking space. Turned off her car. Climbed out and ran after her mother in what looked like a cross between a dog-trot and a shuffle.

To me, it was obvious that for these two ladies the passing years had reversed their roles. It was now time for the once cared for daughter to care for her beloved and loving mother. As life moved forward, there was no time to waste. Whatever was on the Baby Boomers schedule for the rest of that day, she had determined could wait!

As I secretly watched the scene that was playing out before me; I couldn't hold back the tears. I think I knew just what she was thinking...

"Mother, Will You Be Okay?"